Heeyyyyyyy! I am Hollee Wood, a 30 something spicy little number living in Denver, Colorado. About 16 months or so ago regular old me was on my way to a Halloween party hosted by a co-worker at the hospital I work. My outfit was fierce, I went as a supermodel (yes I was tucked, taped, dusted and gifted that night honey.) Anywho, before this particular night I was just Michael, "you know... the gay guy with a southern accent who works in the ER?" But it was on this night this bitch became Hollee Wood and I have been giving it to you ever since!
So here I am in blog form. I cannot tell you how many times my friends and acquaintances say, "I love seeing your Facebook statuses..." "they are awesome" or "you are too funny!" I love it all, even the negative comments... LOVE IT! The other day I was updating a status and went to post and it warned that I was over the character limit! I wanted everything I typed to be my status and for that matter - Who in the hell would tell Hollee Wood to limit what I have to say? OK?? So... welcome to the solution peeps! *The Hollee Wood Experience*
About Hollee Wood, well... I have lived in CO for almost 4 years. I moved here from Texas to be with my sister Misty Sunshine and also to avoid catching numerous felonies and misdemeanors that were doomed to happen if I hadn't of left. Within these past years in colorful Colorado I have attained many many friends of all shapes, sizes, colors, sexes, sorts etc etc. I currently have 2 roommates, Cynthia (Cyn or Mama) and Kimberlin (Kimmy or Saggy), and a little brother Aaron (A-Bai) who is Cynthia's 14 year old son. We live in a suburb of Denver called Lone Tree in a massive 5 bedroom house. I work at many places, as I said earlier I work in a inner city emergency room and I also work as a floral designer, wedding planner, and bartender on occasions.
What to expect from Hollee Wood you ask?? Well, expect the unexpected. I am very opinionated, I love humor and sarcasm, I love to complain in a funny way, I have been known to "vent" in my writings, I am a vivid storyteller, I love discussing politics and religion, and all in all - I love to write!
Anyways ladies and gentlemen, it is time to bid farewell so that I might start to brainstorm on my future blogs. Subscribe to The Hollee Wood Experience to stay up to date and maybe get a chuckle out of it! Below is my list I created a while ago of things that may help you mold an image of the multiple personalities of myself, the one and only... Hollee Wood! Smooches Bitches!!
I mix my mashed potatoes and corn together; I can't stand the sound of Mischa Barton's voice; when I was in Junior High I loved Tiffany AND Debbie Gibson; I met Glenn Danzig and didn't know who he was; whenever I walk into a Wal-Mart I have to fart; I fear uncovered windows at night; I sleep with my eyes open; I used to have an unnatural crush on Dolly Parton; I mix tuna with macaroni and cheese; everyone comes to me for relationship advice even though I have had only 4 boyfriends my entire life; Courtney Love once hit a friend and myself on the head with a microphone at Lollapalooza while we were tripping acid; I like the smell of fresh mown grass; when I eat crawfish I suck the head; I got banned from a bar in Austin (OilCan Harry's) for gaybashing; I got really drunk one Halloween in Charleston, WV and tried to take an "out of drag" drag queen back to the hotel; I like to eat pickles with lemon pepper and salt; I think Jay and Silent Bob are fucking hilarious; my car broke down on the side of the highway in Houston after eating convenience store burritos so I had to crap in the bushes and use a leaf to wipe; I have never seen any of the Lord of the Ring movies all the way through because the music makes me go to sleep; I got suspended from high school because of my mascot tryout tribute to Madonna's "Justify My Love"; I woke up once outside of New Orleans and didn't know how I got there; I love chicken gizzards; I have rolled a joint out of tampon paper; I call people in the middle of the night when I have a bad feeling; one of my biggest regrets is not going to my sisters high school graduation; i drive like i am 80 years old; the thought of brussel sprouts makes me gag; i can entertain myself for hours with a large piece of material and a mirror; i hardly ever use a recipe when I cook; there are many people who only know me by "Xunflour" (sunflower); i think of astrology as a fact; 90% of the time I vote Republican; I get very upset about death although I dont fear it; I believe in true love even though I have never experienced it; I can make my lips wave; large bridges scare the shit out of me; I was in a tornado in Utica, MS; one of the best meals I ever had was at the Cedar Grille in Coos Bay, OR; me and an unnamed confidante once set up a fake trick with some prostitute in Las Vegas; speaking of prostitutes the first night I was in NYC I got lost and paid a hooker for directions; I was in the Navy for 9 months; I used to blame myself for my mothers death; I am my worst critic; I encourage promiscuoty; I have been to Mexico 17 times; I dont like green eggs and ham; I believe flip flops should be banned; I never let men cut my hair; I wish Eminem, Josh Hartnett, and Joey Lawrence were all my babies daddies; I support the death penalty; I have had sex with more than one person in a day; Target and Plato's Closet are my favorite places to shop; I prefer regular chicken over chicken strips; I like to dress girls up like sluts and disco balls; I hate Miracle Whip; I used to have a pet raccoon named Racquel; I have had 3 car accidents; I rarely ever buy anything that isn't on sale; when I was a kid I loved to play house and Barbie; the last video game I played was Super Mario Brothers; the movie Jerry Maguire (Cuba Gooding Jr) makes me cry; i have the tendency to leech on to whomever is nice to me; my first car was a 1979 Buick Electra 225; I lost my virginity to a girl at 13 and to a boy at 18; I peed on myself once at Six Flags on The Texas Giant roller coaster and immediately rode Spash Water Falls next to cover it up; I observe and participate in Lent every year and have never broke it; I am pretty sure Obama is full of shit and wants to destroy America; I love stupid reality shows; black is my flavor of choice; I do not have a verbal filter; I always pose head to toe; and (in conclusion) I can go from normal to queen in 2.5 seconds!
So here I am in blog form. I cannot tell you how many times my friends and acquaintances say, "I love seeing your Facebook statuses..." "they are awesome" or "you are too funny!" I love it all, even the negative comments... LOVE IT! The other day I was updating a status and went to post and it warned that I was over the character limit! I wanted everything I typed to be my status and for that matter - Who in the hell would tell Hollee Wood to limit what I have to say? OK?? So... welcome to the solution peeps! *The Hollee Wood Experience*
About Hollee Wood, well... I have lived in CO for almost 4 years. I moved here from Texas to be with my sister Misty Sunshine and also to avoid catching numerous felonies and misdemeanors that were doomed to happen if I hadn't of left. Within these past years in colorful Colorado I have attained many many friends of all shapes, sizes, colors, sexes, sorts etc etc. I currently have 2 roommates, Cynthia (Cyn or Mama) and Kimberlin (Kimmy or Saggy), and a little brother Aaron (A-Bai) who is Cynthia's 14 year old son. We live in a suburb of Denver called Lone Tree in a massive 5 bedroom house. I work at many places, as I said earlier I work in a inner city emergency room and I also work as a floral designer, wedding planner, and bartender on occasions.
What to expect from Hollee Wood you ask?? Well, expect the unexpected. I am very opinionated, I love humor and sarcasm, I love to complain in a funny way, I have been known to "vent" in my writings, I am a vivid storyteller, I love discussing politics and religion, and all in all - I love to write!
Anyways ladies and gentlemen, it is time to bid farewell so that I might start to brainstorm on my future blogs. Subscribe to The Hollee Wood Experience to stay up to date and maybe get a chuckle out of it! Below is my list I created a while ago of things that may help you mold an image of the multiple personalities of myself, the one and only... Hollee Wood! Smooches Bitches!!
I mix my mashed potatoes and corn together; I can't stand the sound of Mischa Barton's voice; when I was in Junior High I loved Tiffany AND Debbie Gibson; I met Glenn Danzig and didn't know who he was; whenever I walk into a Wal-Mart I have to fart; I fear uncovered windows at night; I sleep with my eyes open; I used to have an unnatural crush on Dolly Parton; I mix tuna with macaroni and cheese; everyone comes to me for relationship advice even though I have had only 4 boyfriends my entire life; Courtney Love once hit a friend and myself on the head with a microphone at Lollapalooza while we were tripping acid; I like the smell of fresh mown grass; when I eat crawfish I suck the head; I got banned from a bar in Austin (OilCan Harry's) for gaybashing; I got really drunk one Halloween in Charleston, WV and tried to take an "out of drag" drag queen back to the hotel; I like to eat pickles with lemon pepper and salt; I think Jay and Silent Bob are fucking hilarious; my car broke down on the side of the highway in Houston after eating convenience store burritos so I had to crap in the bushes and use a leaf to wipe; I have never seen any of the Lord of the Ring movies all the way through because the music makes me go to sleep; I got suspended from high school because of my mascot tryout tribute to Madonna's "Justify My Love"; I woke up once outside of New Orleans and didn't know how I got there; I love chicken gizzards; I have rolled a joint out of tampon paper; I call people in the middle of the night when I have a bad feeling; one of my biggest regrets is not going to my sisters high school graduation; i drive like i am 80 years old; the thought of brussel sprouts makes me gag; i can entertain myself for hours with a large piece of material and a mirror; i hardly ever use a recipe when I cook; there are many people who only know me by "Xunflour" (sunflower); i think of astrology as a fact; 90% of the time I vote Republican; I get very upset about death although I dont fear it; I believe in true love even though I have never experienced it; I can make my lips wave; large bridges scare the shit out of me; I was in a tornado in Utica, MS; one of the best meals I ever had was at the Cedar Grille in Coos Bay, OR; me and an unnamed confidante once set up a fake trick with some prostitute in Las Vegas; speaking of prostitutes the first night I was in NYC I got lost and paid a hooker for directions; I was in the Navy for 9 months; I used to blame myself for my mothers death; I am my worst critic; I encourage promiscuoty; I have been to Mexico 17 times; I dont like green eggs and ham; I believe flip flops should be banned; I never let men cut my hair; I wish Eminem, Josh Hartnett, and Joey Lawrence were all my babies daddies; I support the death penalty; I have had sex with more than one person in a day; Target and Plato's Closet are my favorite places to shop; I prefer regular chicken over chicken strips; I like to dress girls up like sluts and disco balls; I hate Miracle Whip; I used to have a pet raccoon named Racquel; I have had 3 car accidents; I rarely ever buy anything that isn't on sale; when I was a kid I loved to play house and Barbie; the last video game I played was Super Mario Brothers; the movie Jerry Maguire (Cuba Gooding Jr) makes me cry; i have the tendency to leech on to whomever is nice to me; my first car was a 1979 Buick Electra 225; I lost my virginity to a girl at 13 and to a boy at 18; I peed on myself once at Six Flags on The Texas Giant roller coaster and immediately rode Spash Water Falls next to cover it up; I observe and participate in Lent every year and have never broke it; I am pretty sure Obama is full of shit and wants to destroy America; I love stupid reality shows; black is my flavor of choice; I do not have a verbal filter; I always pose head to toe; and (in conclusion) I can go from normal to queen in 2.5 seconds!
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