"The Xanax Journals" is a compilation of my personal diaries dating back to Spring 2006. I was living in Marlin, Texas and never spent a day not fucked up on something. This particular entry pertains to a "down low" relationship I was in at that time. All names of persons (besides those who I have permission from) are not revealed and any information that would clue as to whom the writing is about is and will be kept confidential.
{I don't mean to come across as an ass or a leech. I promised myself that I wouldn't reveal what my heart truly feels because the worse thing in the world to me is rejection. I am not your everyday "I'm here I'm queer" gay man. I feel that when people take their relationship to the level of intimacy certain unspoken obligations take effect. It has been days now and you haven't presented me any opportunity to even chit chat for longer than five minutes. I know you are busy and the work that you do is of service for the better welfare of the community, that is one of the many reasons I am so attracted to you.
I am very sensitive when it comes to intimacy. The whore in me died after countless numbers of casual sex and one nighters that never amounted to shit. I realize that sex without emotion is useless, dangerous, and has no part in my life. I really like you. I feel that you may be everything that I am missing in my life. If you can put into words what it is that I do not have or do not do, please tell me so I don't feel so rejected. Yours Truly, M. Lee}
Dated July 8, 2006
It never feels good to come in second to someone you know will not provide all the things you would give to strengthen a healthy and everlasting companionship. But yet you should not let failure affect you much because in the end all will realize what wrong was done and what those decisions made could have been, if they would have chose the other route in that particular situation...
I am plotting some evil shit in my mind just to appease the Aries Rising I am, but I have enough pride to just shake it off, move on and accept this rejection as their loss. Fuck him and his super faggot ass drag queen boyfriend.
How could I want a relationship with someone who doesn't even have a relationship with themselves? Always having to watch out for leaks of his dirty little secret. Basically meaning that there will always be things, people, and situations that come before you. I am better than that and although I am not perfect, I do deserve companionship where I am not being hid and where my love can be displayed openly and at least known exists.
This being said, I release him from my thoughts and from my heart with no regret, no emotion, and no wrath. I wash my hands of him and free myself from anymore emotion concerning him in my life. ~M. Lee Moore
{I don't mean to come across as an ass or a leech. I promised myself that I wouldn't reveal what my heart truly feels because the worse thing in the world to me is rejection. I am not your everyday "I'm here I'm queer" gay man. I feel that when people take their relationship to the level of intimacy certain unspoken obligations take effect. It has been days now and you haven't presented me any opportunity to even chit chat for longer than five minutes. I know you are busy and the work that you do is of service for the better welfare of the community, that is one of the many reasons I am so attracted to you.
I am very sensitive when it comes to intimacy. The whore in me died after countless numbers of casual sex and one nighters that never amounted to shit. I realize that sex without emotion is useless, dangerous, and has no part in my life. I really like you. I feel that you may be everything that I am missing in my life. If you can put into words what it is that I do not have or do not do, please tell me so I don't feel so rejected. Yours Truly, M. Lee}
Dated July 8, 2006
It never feels good to come in second to someone you know will not provide all the things you would give to strengthen a healthy and everlasting companionship. But yet you should not let failure affect you much because in the end all will realize what wrong was done and what those decisions made could have been, if they would have chose the other route in that particular situation...
I am plotting some evil shit in my mind just to appease the Aries Rising I am, but I have enough pride to just shake it off, move on and accept this rejection as their loss. Fuck him and his super faggot ass drag queen boyfriend.
How could I want a relationship with someone who doesn't even have a relationship with themselves? Always having to watch out for leaks of his dirty little secret. Basically meaning that there will always be things, people, and situations that come before you. I am better than that and although I am not perfect, I do deserve companionship where I am not being hid and where my love can be displayed openly and at least known exists.
This being said, I release him from my thoughts and from my heart with no regret, no emotion, and no wrath. I wash my hands of him and free myself from anymore emotion concerning him in my life. ~M. Lee Moore
No comments:
Post a Comment